"Well Flies Are Attracted To Garbage"

feet are hurtin' reallllll good. slash bad
Daylight saving annoys me it feels like i've lost an hour of my life and i had like zero time to get ready this morning because although jobe had courteously informed me last night that "12.30 is actually 11.30" i still forgot to put my mobile forward therefore i thought it was 10.45 but it was actually 11.45 so yeah. makes you think doesn't it
I ended up meeting Charline and Jobe at wynyard at around 1pm and we went to raben which is actually..."raren" now? who knows, there were actually heaps of lovely shoes and a really awesome pair that jobe and i have been searching for for at least a year but because of lack of funds, they weren't bought. it was noted that cute shoes are always less cute in normal human sizes
By now Charline and i were both complaining about walking haha i just have feet covered in blisters and it hurtsss but still we walked to crown st and had a look around. i found the nicest dress but the bottom of it was too clingy but the top bit was soooo amazing and i really want it :(
no one was really in the mood for shopping so we got sushi, or rather, the girls got sushi but the boy drank juice and ate crackers and cheese. they didn't really have anything i liked at this sushi train, the majority of the dishes were chicken based. eww i read this article after my meal about this chimp/ape/gorilla who got shaved every second day and men paid to have sex with her, so sad, and furthermore, what the crap is wrong with those men?
yew we were all tired by then so hopped on a bus, jobe got McD's, we watched as charline had the best facial expressions whilst reading that article aha. we watched this busker i can't remember his name now annoyingly i'm pretty sure it was 'sky' and he was all cutely dressed in a 3 piece suit and bow tie and he played my heart will go on on violin! it was so nice we actually gave him money and talked about booking him for the formal, although he'd probably have to play some rave music haha gross

IMAGINARY DOORMATS!

awww yesterday phil and i were just walking along oxford st, our day already dampened by the unwelcomed heat and my raging sore feet, but then we noticed a bus go past and everyone on it was looking at us and then one started waving and then others started waving and then phil goes IT'S OUR SCHOOL! hahaha omg it was the year nines haha it was so cute so we waved back, our school clearly misses us now we gone
we met the cutest puppy called Amos in somedays he was exactly like his owner they had the same colour hair and curls and the dog was just oh so rolley poley, tumbling all over the place
um yeah so my blisters got so bad and they hurt so bad that we just had to stop and eat a burger and juice and decide that we will actually live in surry hills, just closer to crown st. and stuff in a cheap street. it made me so happy when a man walked past and then stopped and scuffed his shoes on the pavement as if there was an imaginary doormat aha so happy :)

gross heaps later that night when i was walking home and it was as dark as a night sky can manage i was walking up this hill and i saw a glint and i new straight away that it was a spiders web and i could even make out the spider himself but for some reason i decided to just let happen what was gonna happen but the moment that spiders web touched my lips i went madman crazy, whipping my hands over my face thousands of times and doing that superficial spitting/wiping of the tongue thing over and over. and then i happened again like 30 seconds later! now, i'm definitely not a spider hater but when you get a web and possible spider + baby spiders to the face i'm not a fan

Mandarin Erotica

You know sometimes you have a moment and you're thinking this is a bit weird, but you don't act on your suspicions because you think you're most probably thinking too much into it? i ALWAYS do this, and i had one of those moments with my (male) boss today, i'm not sure what to make of it
we were eating mandarins. here's the scenario:
me: gross i hate mandarins they're nothing like oranges
boss: and he said oh really, what turns you off?
me: umm.. you mean in mandarins..?
boss: yes in mandarins
me: i just don't really like them that's all
boss: do you like them firm? i like it when they're nice and firm

luckily then i had a customer and was like um sorry to end this awful conversation but i'm going to a place where mandarins aren't erotic, or so i was thinking in my head
this was one of those moments, wasn't it? i think way too suspiciously, it could be potentially self destructive

MER MER MER MER MER MER MER MER.

i got an email from my (lovely) modern history teacher
"Hi Rachel

Just wanted to wish you all the very best for thursday. I am sure that you are very well prepared. I am confident that you will do well.
See you thursday. Best wishes!"

mer! oh geez isn't that a huge burden of guilt right over my head. i'm not well prepared i just hate it there's too much to know. i know albert speer and i know nazi germany because they are interesting but WWI and conflict in europe oh gawd that will be a sore sight for any markers eyes. hang on, sometimes i can ace WWI, but otherwise i'm doomed.

when did i become like this? when did my intellect slip? i think it definitely begun this year. oh well no big deal i'm enrolling in the national art school anyway and that's non UAI! and i can major in photography yayyyy (L)
on the subject of photography, one day soon i'm going to make a link or something, and share some of mine. maybe that's when my intellect slipped? because phil and i spent most of our senior highschool life in the darkroom rather than .. knuckling down. haha oh i miss school i remember when we were in year eleven and we were real bored one free period so we made an awesome cubby house out of huge canvas boards and material we found in the artroom and we stuck a sign on it imitating our lovely art teachers prose. "YEAR 12 MAJOR WORK, PLEASE DON'T TOUCH! THANKS, MOE :)" hahaha and we stayed in there all lunchtime and ate mixed nuts and peeked at all the people in the artroom who were like 'who did that for their majorwork? it's pretty weird' haha oh my school was great. and moe got really angry at us. wait, not us, just me that stupid bitch!
yes. yes, this is definitely how my intellect slipped

gross!

O/S O/S O/S O/S O/S O/S O/S O/S

i feel really weird my nanna just called from england raving about how she's found all this accommodation for me in norway for next year
firstly, although i'm so appreciative i don't want to go with the burden of having to turn up in a certain place at a certain time
and secondly, how the heck am i going to manage being away from all my lovelies for a year?!?!? i'll get back and everyone will have changed but i wont have or i'll think everyone's changed but i'm the one who's changed and i no longer fit in or some scary prospect
i can't believe i'm leaving australia i love australia
apart from the ants that ARE CRAWLING ALL OVER MY LEGS RIGHT NOW why are there ants in my roooooom
and phil said i will contradict wanting to grow my hair down to the floor and that i'll come back with a bob
are you crazy my hair iz crazy and couldn't handle a bob eerrr i feel so uneasy about everything and my heart hurts

The Naughty Birthday Boy Causes A Little Bit of Trouble

in hindsight, the 2007 english hsc paper was soooo easy!! all of paper 2 was essays, the questions were fairly straight forward and broad and they didn't name any texts that you had to discuss. despite this, i still managed to screw it up! haha, i don't think i did that bad actually. coming out of any english exam i've always thought 'that sucked so bad i went so bad' and i end up getting decent marks, and with this english exam i came out thinking 'dood that was pretty breezey i think i did ok' so i'm hoping i get very decent marks
this is so gross how i'm talking about exams i'm basically one of those people who i despise who chat on 'bored' of studies and disgusting things like that ewwwww gross

friday was jobe's birthday. it was being celebrated at his friends place in newport but i can call him sam because we both want to travel the southern states of the usa and we both know joy omg. it was a pleasant gathering i finally met all the characters jobe raves about and i could put a face to them it was nice. charline was in charge of the fire she has really great outdoors skills for a french person? is that a relevant analogy probably not. the night was quite a ruckus for the birthday boy in the sense that some passer-bys slash trespassers got a ruski bottle to the head, and later when we were meant to be eating birthday cake and avoiding jobe's kiss we were confronted with a loud crash as our outside table was upturned by the recievers of the bottle to the head shennanigan. ahah long story short, jobe tries to fight them or something crazy forgetting that he's the male equivalent of twiggy, we go out, parents come out, things are (sort of) resolved but the guy who looked like a pig was still making rude gestures. and later on we almost got a bottle to the head as one sailed out of the air from their direction
jobe got sad
then got mad
sam and i watched on as charline attempted to crack the silent and angry exterior. then i was asked to try because i've known him longest. so what do i do? while he's seemingly sleeping standing up i prod him with my finger and he topples over and smashes into the ground ahaa. charline and sam come back and i'm all like.. what? he tries to walk into the water and i manage to redirect him to the car and we say our goodbyes to sam and jobe is folded into the car. i drop charline home then i drop jobe home and my eyes sting from the lethal smoke of the fire

an enjoyable birthday? yes

(FAUX) BOMB ON THE FRONT, SNEERING-TYPE

these next couple of photos are from saturday i think it was, at surry hills. i'm not sure how i feel about this area, it seems kind of like a country in itself, with its own breed of human. and they gave out heaps of free chips for some reason. phil and i discussed if we would rather live in that suburb next year, but we'll just see where we end up when the time comes. anyway, it was Georgie, Dani, Philk, Ben and I. it was a really nice day, i had a really nice food but i can't remember the name of it anymore. it was a pancake type thing that had spinach and cheese hidden inside, with lemon on top. i saw the illin'est trillin'est kid eva! i think taking a photo of him is illegal? or is it just frowned upon? well, i had the decency not to get his face. i didn't take a photo in time, but before this shot he was wearing a floor length cape, and you can't see it but on his front he had a fake bomb strapped on! hahahahah new feat. check it out:

HATE LIST

Over the last 2 weeks or so, i've been home in the daytime a lot more than usual. during this time, the majority of which i was not studying :(. or is that :)? anyway, during this time, i compiled a sort of mental hate list. it covers a very narrow scope, seeing as all i've really been doing is swimming, reading, sitting at a desk staring at an essay question on an otherwise blank page, and typing summary notes on the computer. ok, so here it is:
1. pool spiders
2. any form of bug that thinks it's ok to cool off in my pool. land and you DIEEE
3. in particular the one wasp that hangs around while i'm trying to do the treading water exercise
4. pool cleaners (mechanical) with an appetite
5. when the pool net handle stick thing disappears because dad fashioned a long tree cutting (dangerous) device
6. the hens that leave shit all over the grass, this is so much worse when i have wet feet
7. nice bugs that i feel obliged to save. okayyy this should actually go on my love list
8. how i always fall asleep when i start to read and then i wake up and it's like, 6pm?!?!?!?
9. modern history
10. the 'imaginative journey'
11. Samuel T. Coleridge. his nonsensical nonsense was once mildly enjoyable but no longer is
12. rosencrantz and guildenstern are dead. i LOATHE you. you should be in the list of things i want to kill even after yo already dead
13. my sore typing hand
14. the board of studies. i can't believe you would be SO cruel to state that you have the ability to ask for any form of textual response, plus the ability to specify any poem or speech or bullshit like that. fuck you!
15. the number 8 key. why are you so loose?

that is all currently. i'm going to go and watch 'stripshow,' i really just love that show! if one of those guys stripped for me i think i would ... well i wouldn't know what to do. scream and lock myself in a cupboard, or something
on a more positive note, i did about 6 hours of study today !!!!!!!!!11!!!!!!1111111!!
OR IS THAT NEGATIVE?

Sometimes bad nicknames are good in the long run!

The other day a phrase or conversation or something similar i heard was about bad nicknames and if you'd ever had one (i was eavesdropping. oh wait i remember now i was on the bus!!) and that got me thinking have i ever had a bad nickname? i was thinking for quite a while and i was quite sure i never had, but then i remembered when i was in form 7 at intermediate school in wellington, NZ i had one!! i think i was like 11 or 12 or something, and i was a really, really skinny caucasian twig girl, surrounded by ALOT of giant islander girls. i was just a tiny underdeveloped white girl because i was young and still skinnier than my brother, but the majority of the girls surrounding me were the kind that grew breasts the minute they came out of the womb, ya know? trainer bras and nappies. so i got nicknamed "surfboard." because i was as flat as a surfboard! hahahahah i'm glad i recovered that memory because shame to them now i'm nice and proportional whereas they'll struggle to find attractive lingerie and probably have pushed out a couple of babies by now suckaaaas

An English Rose Hanging On My Wall

yesterday afternoon phil came over and we sat on the balcony for a while engaging in pleasant conversation and nibbling on some delicious white chocolate from Aldi. he noticed that my mother had a new top, she really likes phil and his delicate mannerisms. omg! i showed him that dress i'd bought off eBay and he shared my shock of how different it was from the picture! quite hideous really, but i don't have enough confidence to leave negative feedback. we went out to get a drink, got slightly distracted from the quest for a drink and ended up in the n'bridge oppy where i bought an old crusty painting of some flowers. one of the ladies, noticing that i liked flowers tried to interest me with some disgusting floral saucers, phil made some excuse and boy we got out of there quickly. it's true that i want clashing floral pieces but the colour scheme wasn't cool ugly-tacky, it was just ugly ugly-tacky!
we popped in Mrs Watson which is this really nice store just a few doors down and the lady always stocks really nice dresses. we talked to her for a while and she didn't seem insulted at all that we didn't want to buy anything in her store, but she gave us directions to all these other cool stores. she had the most fabulous wallpaper! we decided we must get some for our dilapidated apartment that we're living in near the end of next year.
so we went to this really cute store that had really cute neighbouring stores as well. this lady who owned it just had this air of class and superiority that was sooo appealing for that age (50+). it had all these old sewing patterns from the 1960's and elegant gloves and really, really big-name vintage apparel! and a+ squeaky wooden floors
we finally settled for a drink in a cafe at the crag, and for a can of diet coke, tiny friande (spelling?) and even tinier portugese tart it was $12!! i thought it was ridiculous, but the price was justified when across the road, hair billowing in the wind and general wonderfulness radiating from him to my (smashed!) heart i see ***. you know, the one i hadn't seen in two years blah blah blah. it was cruel. so cruel. and once again, one moment he was there and the next he was goneeeeeeee

8 DAYS UNTIL THE HSC!!! WOOOOOOOOOO MAN I'M SO EXCITED 3 WEEKS OF PURE DELIGHT!!

blah

WATCH ME AS I EAT UP YOUR INSIGNIFICANT SOUL IN ONE GULP OVER AND OVER THEY DIE ONE AFTER THE OTHER

Kody

Kody sat down on the avenue
He tapped his feet, to the humming of the highway
He watched the light shine down on the broken glass and thought
I don't got no reasons, yet
There it is and there it was
It was clear to all of us
We kept this hat of broken dreams
And we pulled them out, when we needed them around

So please hand me the bottle, I think I'm lonely now
And please give me direction, I think the hurt set in
And I don't feel nothing

There's a squeak hinge down on the back gate
It lets us know if he comes around
I don't sleep that good anyway
If you've never heard that silence, it's a God awful sound

I don't feel nothing, no I don't feel nothing
There's nothing to feel good about here

Don't much get down to the avenue
I could drive, but it takes so much to get there
Don't get off on all the broken glass, the cadillac scene,
Well
I've seen a lot of good things die and I'm
In an over emotional way

oh jobe pass me your exquisite knife collection

argghh tonight sucked so bad it was just shit
last week i'd already said that i would pick up my parents from the airport so i had to go do that and when i'd gotten on the road i realised that there had always been someone with me when i'd driven to the airport so i was like fuck i'm totally winging this (i'm a really, really bad navigator) and it was alright i made it to the bondi / randwick turnoff all sweet infact i actually made it to the airport pretty ok but then i was trying to get into this tiny carparking spot and i got all flustered because cars were banking up and i backed out and scraped the mother fucker of a wide car on my left and i thought it didn't do any damage then i get out and there's this gashhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh all down the side. fuck! then i realise that i've never picked anyone up from the domestic terminal only the international so i'm sitting on some fucking hard bench glaring at everyone who stared at my stupid hat because my hair was dirty and waited a lifetime in a general area because i'd forgotten the flight number
then because i was so mad i'd forgotten completely where i'd parked and we literally spent about 20 minutes looking for it
the air is already tense
they see the scratch
i insulted the stupid picture of a tiger my little (cough BIG) brother had bought and you could've cut the silence with a knife on the drive back home
i tried to lighten the atmostphere, "hey do you guys know of the band evermore? i met them on sunday" and no one replied. 20 seconds later, mum goes "ah..no..chris?" dad remains silent
fuck this i feel like running away but actually just pitching a tent on the local oval so i can be left alone with no cars to scratch, no one to pick up and in general no commitments to burden my already burdened mind

but i'd probz be murdered or something

oh yeah and because i was so angry when jobe called i briskly turned down seeing angus and julia stone even though they had a free way in. regret sinks in!!!!
mer
i feel like i aged about 5 years tonight

little birrrrdy in my kitchen!

distractions always tempt me and they always win! i had just sat down to do some study this afternoon and about 3 minutes into this horrid session i hear a strange noise coming from the kitchen and i'm all like what is that? so i get up and alas there are two naughty magpies indulging in my cats bowl! eating their cat biscuits! this diversion was highly appreciated so i ran to get my cam and in my enthusiasm i scared one away but i managed to get a picture of one of the little devils eating and a video of him trip trapping around my (filthy thanks to tom and i) kitchen!
look!





bored? clearly!
love, me

In Between Days

i didn't get a wink of sleep last night!
i got to bed at about 2 and it was just tom and i in the house and he'd been tucked in for ages i think so i locked up and read for a bit and at 3 someone called my house phone and i let it ring out and they didn't hang up for the message bank, whoever called just left the phone engaged
then i started freaking the fuck out like holy shit either there's some burglars who know my fam's outta town and are calling to confirm, or there's a murderer in the house trying to get me up so he can slash my throat
so i stayed in a completely still foetal position with my light on with my hands curled around my cellular waiting to dial 000 until the sun was up
i heard so many noises and door handles but when i felt brave enough to check because the sun was now up there was no one there
i think i'm developing mild paranoia or schizophrenia, because i have this constant belief that someone is following me and trying to kill me and that they can always hear my thoughts
it's not healthy i think i need help but i don't know i'm pretty sure there is someone on my tail. on my trail

You Say I'm Crazy I Say I'm Passionate. Hymn To The Sea

Tonight i watched my favourite film and in my opinion the saddest, for the first time in 10 years
Titanic went to the cinema in 1997 and i remember it so clearly, i was only seven years old and my dad took Tom and i, and i remember sitting in my chair and Tom was on my left letting the folding chair eat him because the pounding water scared him. If he had maybe faced his fears and looked at me he would have seen an emotion he'd never seen me wear before, but one that he would see more and more as i got older and more thoughtful and solitary and unstable. i was only 7 but i remember that it was the saddest i'd ever felt and i hoped and hoped not that i would find love and have it snatched away within a matter of days, but just that i could have that and die if that's what had to happen
10 years later i'm 17 and Rose was seventeen when she met Jack so i thought it time that i finally watch again. i'd put it off for sooooososososo long because i kinda didn't want to cry but i did watch it and i cried so much! it made me feel so many things but already half of those feelings have gone but

but
i think that was what i mainly felt... nothing lasts forever ..kinda? everything goes. and everyone is so small in the great scheme of things
Jack and Rose, fictional or not (take your pick the debate is forever ripe), found the most beautiful and astounding love, perhaps one in a million, one in a hundred million would have a glimpse of something similar. but there are six billion six hundred two million two hundred twenty-four thousand one hundred seventy-five people on our planet alone!! it's so special but so what?
if your main aim was to be remembered, you'd be screwed. Jack won his tickets on the maiden voyage of Titanic therefore there was no record of his time on Titanic. his parents died when he was 15, he had no siblings. travelling the world as he pleased, he had no ties anywhere. Rose was the most important person in his life and, really, the only person, and now he's dead he only is remembered in Rose's memory but she's 101 she's JUST ABOUT FUCKING DEAD and she lived for you Jack she never let go of the promise but everything ends and the most amazing person in the world leaves no trace of himself, she goes and he dies again, his existence disappears, did he even exist?

i always thought i wanted to be remembered but it seems a stupid quest which i don't really intend to embark upon in this life anymore. People always say 17 is so young but are you crazy?! it's not. Jack died when he was 20 and Rose lost Jack when she was 17 and time flies so fast that before i know it i'll be dead or have done nothing i'm proud of. i'm not going to wait another 10 years for a realisation like this, i seriously have to get out of this fucking country and find something worth living, or dieing for. i want that love and that feeling of self sacrifice that i've never had because my life is running out in all senses! i don't care if i die just as i've discovered something worthwhile, because that's better than meandering around until you're 30 or 50 or 100 and your looks and soul have withered with your pointless existence, and all hope is gone. i don't care if i'm not remembered and if my memory dies with the only person i ever shared my life with because i'm in this for me, and only those i care about. i guess you only do get one life and knowing me i'll be killed or i'll kill myself before it starts losing momentum BECAUSE THAT'S A LIFE WORTH BEING LIVED, isn't it!?
i just don't care if it rips me apart or worse, i'm 17 and i have about 5 months left until i'm an 'adult' and i just can't fucking handle that, i have to get outta here in 4 months tops and be small in the big scheme of things and be forgotten in the uncontrollable death of things and be passionate and just generally live. love and be loved and then be forgotten
it's the role i was handed it's the luck i plan to find

no one lasts forever so follow your dreams and do it quickly, if love is what you want do it and then be done with it. it's your wonderful life but billions of other people have theirs too, don't waste time with tactics and making an eternal mark, it's in vanity. the unsinkable ship will sink, you be sure of it, so do what you have to do before it sinks or even better get killed in the process, in the intensity of it.
however many tears, i know i plan to!

"Make it count"

Daniel Kymona & Ratchell

went to the beach yesterday but didn't swim
went to sell chocolates yesterday but we were too scared to approach fellow teenagers or even pre-pubescents. we were the geeks that day
went to get a calippo but they only had tropical?!
still ate it
went to danielle's house with no appetite but ate a pb sandVICH and drank gallons of water and watched sum crime. waited ages for BOOORADLEY but he didn't show and dk is going to the central coast for the weekend with georgette
went to my house for a swim but didn't swim because it was ffreezing!
watched the MASK. smokin'!
i have an empty house from friday through till tuesday !
i did 2.5 hours of study this morning and sushi awaits this arvenin' yayyyyyyy

All I Ever Wanted Was Your Life

My mouth fell open Hoping that the truth Would not be true Refuse the news
I'm feeling sick now What the fuck am I Supposed to do? Just lose and lose

First time I saw you You were sitting Backstage in a dress A perfect mess
You never knew this But I wanted badly for you too Requite my love

Left on the floor Leaving your body When highs are the lows And lows are the way
So hard to stay Guess now you know I love you so

I liked your whiskers And I liked the Dimple in your chin Your pale blue eyes

You painted pictures Cause the one Who hurts Can give so much
You gave me such

WHO ARE PARENTS? explained

last night was really fun, at around 6pm dhan and i made a crazy run to the bottle shop because we thought maybe they would close early being a public holiday and also made an icecream dash at manly, i had vanilla with gummi bears and twix mmmmm. we were joined by ro & phil.
then i went homeskies and had a quick slice or two of pizza den went to dani k's. just a small group, dhan, phil, ben, lora, jake and myself.





i was the official measurer in regards to BEN OR PHIL> WHO HAS SKINNER TOP THIGH?
i think i gave phil the title and ben got a bit pouty





!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
what the crap was this bird up to? thinking back it can't have been too healthy, walking along the road in the middle of the night and coming across a small bird sleeping standing up on the front lawn???? oh poor little guy i bet he's dead

so we stopped at marcus's place, then walked lora home . phil was trying to peg a dead lizard at me, cunt. we all climbed in the teensy back seat which is bens datsun, sat there for a while but some how everyone had disappeared and it was just ben and i chatting. i think i mainly complained how i couldn't move much and there wasn't much available oxygen!

phil walked me part of the way home but jeez i was so scared again, and looking back i must have been incredibly wasted because i was running down the middle of a 6-lane bridge (by myself) jumping over the waist-high barrier every few seconds so the axe murderers couldn't get a swing at me. knowing me i was probably sooking like a little girl because i was so scared. then a car came and i was like shit im in the middle of this fucking bridge so i ran down the path calling tom to pick me up or i'm gonna dieeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
he did!
haha i got a message in the morning from phil saying "are you alive or did the man in the bushes get you?" clearly i was a mess but i would have actually had the same outlook despite my mental state!
fun night

WHO ARE PARENTS?

mayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyn today im sposed to start studying for the HSC but its 2 in the morn and im blazed as a dog. hahah i had the best night i cant ewait to look at the photos that ben took of us with a sleeping bird ahaha i dont think ive ever laughed so much in m liife in fact i cant believe i did a public something in fact i cant believe i am not sleeping so ii can study bright and early i loveeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee ma life and birds who sleep standing up on lawns :)