SLEEP TIME!

wowee i haven't done a post in a while. um okay, life
kinda sucks! or it got slightly good today because i've done my french speaking listening writing and reading exams, english paper 1, visual arts and english paper 2. and have a break until monday! i've never felt like i couldn't use my brain anymore but i actually can't use my brain anymore!
Nineteen Eighty-Four i love you but i'm not writing any more about you or your personification of evil
rosencrantz and guildenstern i hate you and i should have written more about you but i don't care because i'm not going to write lies because you suck!!
emma goldman and socrates i respect you and i really think you DID maintain the textual integrity of your speeches with rhetoric and by drawing on emotions that are essentially human etc, but now i am no longer human i am a robot with a dead brain!!!

which is actually kind of good because i love robots and their metallic quality.

it's phil's birthday tomorrow. i really have to brainstorm something we can do tomorrow morning before his exam (no exams for me!) but my brain has no storm, there's barely even a breeze it's so tired. i really feel like watching some sort of gardening show or show where crazy passionate gardeners compete to have the best garden features but that would be selfish of me


next week is gonna be soooo good i'm so pysched. on thursday we're properly celebrating phil's b'day by a whole friendly group of people going out and then me and DK (the favs) plus phil get to stay in a hotel hopefully with a casino
THEN on friday....... ME AND JOBE ARE GOING TO THE CURE! FUCK YEAH
THEN on saturday DK is having her 18th.

BE GOOD LITTLE MIGRANTS, BE GOOD BE GOOD BE GOOD BE GOOD

I Never Said I Would Stay To The End?

Hi Rach. Just a random message to let you know that i love you. Oh so much! & that i just feel like hugging you & then getting new orleans dinner/ Coffee with you. X

this made me happy! makes me happy that the girl with no secrets can love this girl with a million secrets. i can share,
i do love you

we exchanged flaws (?) of self for two hours and you share and share and share and share some more and then i share a little bit and let you see just a little bit but we're even. because that's us and that's who we are and you UNDERSTAND.
that i can love you but will probably leave you, not because i don't want to stay but because i have to go
and belong!! it's not treachery

it's just me
and you get it

i feel as if i'm on the sidelines slash Everyone's got the Harry Potter Diseaseee

im missing out on some really, really fab moments that i wish i had seen!!
which ties in with what i think is the harry potter disease which has struck the world in a wonderful manner!! and im quite sad i haven't been able to enjoy it fully, and for the last time ever as well, because i really would love to fly to the bookshop on my broom

example, yesterday as tom was picking up jakob he told me that jakobs little brother jasper (who is quite a character!!) was dressed up as a wizard (obviously for the final Harry Potter book [sirius come back to life :( sob])
and so was his dad, and they were about to leave to go get the book but jasper was being naughty so his dad said "if you continue in this way we wont go!" and so jasper said "fine! i'll just fly on my Nimbus 2000"
hahahhaa omg that sounds like such an amazing moment i wish it was captured at least on camera if not in memory but i was not there :(

and a lady got her muggle hands on a copy and she read the first line and closed her eyes and exhaled like it was the best line in the world
i was not there

and apparently a man had a voucher for the harry potter book and was sprinting to the bookshop (this is in another country, cold) but it was windy and his ticket got whipped up by the wind and blew into a huge river and without hesitation he dived after it (freezing temperatures!) but had to be rescued and go to hospital, and at the hospital he was still harry potter crazy and made the doctor call the bookshop to reserve him a copy, explaining his situation
what did i say, everyone has the disease! lovely lovely lovely!

oh also,
last night after tom had been at charlies he said that the drummer from radio birdman was there because he was a family friend
!! just casually!

Heathcliff, it's me, your Cathy!

I'm in the mood for finding a soulmate !!
i think i deserve one
friendly or more than friendly but friendly is fine because i love friends (as long as they're good , soulmate material)
someone i can have comfortable silences with, someone who can appreciate wuthering heights kate bush you make me HAPPY and likes things like musk sticks. ok you don't have to like musk sticks because i acknowledge that i am the only person on the planet who does! so tasty
WHERE ARE YOU SOULY! i want a shared interests friend who delivers lots of smiles, a little bit of other things but mostly smiles
!!
:)

REALISATION

i just read that the stress caused by procrastination can shorten your lifespan by as much as 8 years

fuck!

"i think it's dark and it looks like rain" you said
"and the wind is blowing like it's the end of the
world" you said
"and it's so cold it's like the
cold if you were dead"
and then you smiled for
a second

"i think i'm old and i'm feeling in pain" you said
"and it's all running out like it's the end of the
world" you said
"and it's so cold it's like the
cold if you were dead"
and then you smiled for
a second

sometimes you make me feel like i'm living at
the edge of the world like i'm living at the edge
of the world
"it's just the way i smile" you said


Every breath of this is me
hear it, read it, you know me no more than i do, ever will
of course beauty, 'happiness' is accompanied by an everlasting sense of emptiness
and of the unknown, things that can never be discovered
i'll search forever, leave pieces of sadness, of knowledge, loneliness only detected by those the same, and that is enough
just a trail, but the trail has no destination, no one at the end
you'll find only thoughts.. stranger than anything you could ever dream. i will share them, but that's all. you'll never get any deeper,
you'll never be let in
i can't get in myself

ambiguity is certain




i'll smile for a second, but not before the end of the world

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mbFD0xQtjS4

Crazy? Yes! Dumb? No!

Read over my pre-holiday post. Jesus H-Christ as jesse would say, why was i nervous? this holiday really delivered, it was mint

this is where i stayed for 2 weeks, Jesse & Alex's place, Drummond St, Mt. Cook, wellington.



this is how you enter Jesse & Alex's place!



my goodness they have an amazing flat. once you're through the trapdoor you go up some stairs then there's stairs going up & stairs going down. down you pass the bathroom & arrive in the kitchen and alex's room, upstairs is jesse's room and up some more stairs is this balcony thing: (stairs to balcony)


i clearly felt v. uncomfortable in this photo





my plane trip was quicker than usual only about 2.5 hours or maybe even less because of a good tail wind. i made friends on the plane which was nice. i'm usually the last person off the plane too but not this time i was out in a flash and through customs in a dash and had collected my bag in a fucken snatch so i ended up being like the 3rd person out or something and there were all these hungry eyes staring at me and i was thinking omg i'm so uncharacteristically early that jesse isn't even here yet and i was like yikes yikes but then when i had almost gotten past the stage where anyone could have claimed me as theirs i hear 'rachel!' and there she comes hurrying out of the crowd. i love how even though we see eachother no more than once a year, we just pick up where we left off / i have way more to say to her than many of my 'friends' i see virtually every day! not a moment of awkwardness.



she has a black bob now! it's so funny, everytime i come over her hair has gotten shorter and darker, and mine has gotten longer & lighter, from lazyness & more time spent in the sunshine. a reflection on our personalities i guess. or, 'but that's just our personality' as jess would say.

so we got a cab back to hers and i was smiling looking at all the places i don't realise i miss until i come back, and the (maori) driver was laughing at my (maori) accent of 'rongotai' and shit haha. we got dropped at the flat and i was speechless when i saw their front door.
once again, i stress

the first couple of days it took me so much twisting of the back and stuff to master the entrance like jess & alex but soon i took it with ease.

we went to town & went to this cafe fidels (we went there basically everyday) where they have the best coffee milkshakes but i never bought one myself just drank others leftovers. then jesse's friend zhoe walked past and we discussed that later we'd go to her friends flat then to a bar called goodluck to see the bonnie scarlets. this was all so long ago that i barely remember, and there are no photos to jog my memory because i was too drunk, but i think we got ready, bought some wine and went to this guys place somewhere between 8 & 9 pm? i met jesse's friend dante who was waiting to meet us, he liked my shoes. another amazing flat, upstairs in this loft was a bedroom with a real low ceiling is where we sat to drink, jesse, rachel, zhoe, dante and another boy who's name i can't remember! we went to goodluck a bit too early i think, maybe around 10.30. they didn't even ask me for id. it was a lovely underground bar with a smoky atmosphere. it was also 'polyprop' night hahahah which we had no idea about but some fucking loser who had a whole bag or polyprops gave me a wickedly ugly one for my wrists. everything is so much cheaper there, it was either free or less than $5 if i remember right, and the drinks were cheaper too. i drank random shit which i think contributed to the sickest i've ever felt, considering i never get hangovers. it was like cucumber and rum and stuff possibly. scarlets were real good


the next morning i woke up at about 7am in a horrible hot sweat and despite the freezing temperatures i was willingly sitting outside of the blankets and visiting the letterbox. fuck, but then i got freezing and whoozy and if i continued to stand vomit was a possibility so i went back to bed & we woke up at about 12 or later which i was sad at because i wanted pancakes from mcdonalds. both jess and i were incredibly sick but i couldnt vomit although i really needed too and we had really weak limbs and couldnt understand it, it didn't seem the right after effects of alcohol. i can't remember a lot of things from this day onwards it's all just a wonderful blur of cafe food, opshopping, dancing to rihanna and late nights so i'll just post some photos and maybe captions will come to mind.





oh yeah this was saturday night, melissa and alex playing red/black. i was not drinking this night as i still felt queasy and the sight of beers was enough to encourage vom!


jesse really dug ratatat, which wasn't on the welly scope


UMBRELLA!
we got a taxi real late, we were meant to meet zhoe and dante and stuff at about 8, then 9, but we left about 11.45. went to a place called mightymighty. a real purposely tacky place and fuck there was this guy there who was also at goodluck after the bonnie scarlets played an ii absolutely hate him/them. they're called tommy l or something and they do hip hop/rap covers whilst stealing good bands already established rifs and beats and stuff ahh. it was so unbelievably shit that we went to another funny place which was actually disgusting called hope bros i think, lots of jocks and people i remembered from intermediate school. one girl kept rubbing her behind all over jesse and she got so pissed that she pushed her off this stage we were on and then we bolted! i went to both these places with an id of a girl who was 25 and had blonde hair- it's such a cinch!

the next night frith stayed at the flat after we'd been opshopping and had afternoon tea in miramar haha. she's from an organic family so we went back to hers to get some food for a nice dinner that night:







it was yum.





we took ruby to a play about the 3 little pigs at friths work






vaporizing

there's this amazing chinese takeaway near the flat i'm shocked i can't remember the name, possibly ricebowl. anyway, amazing burgers chips & milkshakes




INDECISIVE!

we went to island bay to eat in the car i think. we also went to lucy's house until about 9.30pm but i was an anti social blob on the carpet because i had weak limbs and neck. we left to get changed and go to town. wednesday night is student night there. as we were driving back to the flat alex saw dante who apparently looked incredibly sad because it was his birthday but no one was around and he'd gone to the flat but noone was home so he was sadly moping around on the streets so we picked him up and lay in bed laughing about all the boys in jesses life until nearly midnight.




alex is hungry!


alex is happy!



we went to midnight espresso or something of a similar name to do just what the name says.

on my last saturday we sat inside most of the day because it was freeezeezingly cold :) but then me frith and jesse decided we had to venture out, to get gelato and a video. we picked pledge this! hahaha worst movie. it lacks everything possible in a good movie and all its attributes aren't attributes at all, and paris hilton is the star. so we put it back in its box and gave it to a girl who was having a gathering that night with the words 'happy birthday!'

oh and i bought a formal dress! could things get more crazy







there's something about the alcohol over there that attacks my body so much more than here. drinking felt like a chore, i mean it's effects were definitely welcome however it took a lot of willpower to get there. card games helped










I HATE HAIRCUTS, frith doesn't like eyes.


i really hate haircuts!





those photos were really fun, just like a full on session of smashing into everyone and letting your limbs fly everywhere in a drunk state. we went to the girls place who got a pledge this. i saw sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo many people from intermediate school who i hadn't seen in about 5 years so that was crazy. i lost my friends at one stage and felt quiet so i lay down on a couch in the middle of the room with my hands over my head and people kept saying 'are you ok' but i wouldnt reply! then umbrella came on and alex was pyscho dancing like she does and then someone whipped out an actual umbrella and it kind of killed it though sort of.

we went to town after and a lovely girl maeve lent me her id and we went to goodluck again. jesse was happy because her ex-friend walked past and her boyfriend waved and jesse waved then the ex-friend waved and she didn't wave and neither did we. i wouldnt have minded waving because i hadn't seen her in over a year and had no particular reason for dislike, but i was outnumbered. fuck it was packed, we battled other people and alex the foolish, foolish fiend took off her shoes and when we were loitering outside laterz on cuba we noticed her feet were sliced in half kind of and bleeding all over the place. haha. but then about 5 minutes later when i'd taken off my shoes to walk home i stepped on either a piece of glass which caused a deep gash or a syringe which caused a deep gash and hepatitis slash HIV slash some form of harmful disease. hopefully not the latter. so i wasn't laughing anymore and we got a 'my foots cut, five dollars?' taxi.







sunday was my last full day



we were awoken to the sounds of I WANT COFFEE MILKSHAKE I WANT COFFEE MILKSHAKE !!!!!!!!! so we went and got coffee milkshake!



so we went to fidels to get coffee milkshake! then we sat in a sunny park because sunshine is very rare!!





meandered around casually for the rest of the day. that night we went to a little unhygienic place i had sorely missed, satay mingdom AKA satay kingdom. that was nice, got a whole range of stuff and we couldnt help but notice that the food, though delicious, goes cold awfully quickly. we also found a hair! miam miam!

the next morning we got up real early (8 o' clock) to make the most of my last day until i had to be at the airport at 2 o' clock. i didn't wake up alex to say goodbye because i thought i'd see her later but i didn't. wah :( bye alex! we walked to wellington photographics so frith and jesse could print some of my photos for themselves, then we left frith at work, got some breakfast at a place near the embassy theatre, returned to get photos, waited for like an hour! got coffee from laffare (we went there nearly every day) for frith, visited frith, i said bye to frith :( and we promised we'd see eachother again when she comes to syd with alex and melissa. hahahha we caught 2 buses to get to the airport because we were too cheap for a taxi. it took me way too long for my liking to haul my bag onto the bus and ii felt everyones hungry eyes burrowing into my soul for holding up their bus. yeah whatevs! we had to wait so fucken long because my plane was delayed like 2 hours but i guess that was good because of course i didn't want to come back to sydney. eventually jess had to go and we had our normal funny goodbye where we jokingly go to hug eachother but neither one of us wants to and people watch thinking god what an awkward relationship but really it's wonderful! i made friends on the plane again. this old lady said my german heritage was very prominent

i'm more at home there than i am here


:)

@ the airport. HIDING THOSE TEARS JESSE?



i'm back in town