i had this startling thought today that what if people other than phil and jay were reading this thing
if you are, that makes me incredibly nervous because these things come straight from my brain which was formed 17 years ago for my personal use, and anyone who can benefit i guess
i'm definitely NOT going to censor my beautiful thoughts because they're basically the children of my brain, so i think i have like 500 00000000000 000000000 billion children. plus heaps that got away!
oh no wait i'm telling untruths i think i have censored maybe once or twice because even i can tell when something will make someone want to slit their own throat and will portray me as a MONNNNSTER
maybe you have a lot clearer idea of me than me, but i've been working real hard to work it out! recently i've been told i'm quite unapproachable, slightly intimidating, intense, have a quiet speaking voice and a laidback slightly raspy voice ideal for radio.. reflective, moody, funny, that i manage to fluke everything and despite what i think i wont end up going to university i'll make a life for myself another way.. i was the only person in the grade with an original creative writing concept, i bomb out, i'm unreliable, i'm reliable, i'm nice, i'm so nice, i'm gentle, i'm moody, i'm friendly, i have long hair, i'm hard to figure out, i'm blunt, why do i sit 3 metres away from everyone else? am i okay? yes i'm doing beautifully because i'm COLD, i don't want to know you, but maybe i do and just don't realise i feel empty for a reason, my eyes will burn you away before you can start a conversation that i wont sustain with my true personality, i'll just bore you with generic personality that is not me but yet somehow you find that interesting and exclusive!!!!!!!!!!?
it's so hard! you send me mixed opinions which don't help out my already mixed opinions
i'm really not THAT depressed. maybe you think that, but i just think a lot and encourage these obscurities because they're really powerful and substantial, and i can't leave all of them in me because i'll turn into ashes or something. YOU'RE DARK TOO JUST EMBRACE IT AND LET YOUR EYES TELL A MILLION SINS
a lot of these qualities i got labelled with i'm really pleased with and didn't think i possessed them, ie intense, radio voice, quiet voice, long hair, unapproachable, distant. i think i'm nice but if you're in my face and just mixing for the sake of being a social butterfly i don't wanna know you! i like friends but i really do have a great bunch so i don't need any sour grapes. but if you're nice and have a passion and are generally a friendly person, if you get past the conversation stage i'll love you like i love a lot of people
it's a lot easier to hate than to love for some reason but i just make sure i do a bit of gardening first
maybe judging by these labels i'm a bit of a weed myself!
keep reading and forming your opinions on me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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